I have been asked this question many times before. As incidents of violence, war, or chaos flood the news stream, someone will usually send me a DM or an email with a question like this:
How do you deal with the chaos of the world?
You find balance within it. Not by pretending the chaos isn’t there. Not by looking away from suffering, or numbing yourself to what is happening, or convincing yourself that grief is not grief. But by remembering that chaos isn’t the only thing in existence.
Where there is grief, there is also love. Where there is instability, there is also order. Where there is tragedy, there is also joy. They exist simultaneously, usually in the same space.
The world can be breaking, and a child can still laugh in the next room. Someone can be grieving while the sun moves across the floor in the most beautiful way. A terrible thing can happen on the same day something meaningful happens. This is the complexity of being human. This is life on earth.
Your mind can focus on the chaos or the joy, but they’re both true. The person who chooses to only focus on the chaos side of it isn’t necessarily more accurate than the one who only chooses to focus on joy. They’re both seeing something real. They’re both pointing to something that exists. But they’re both also out of balance if they refuse to see the other side.
To only see the grief is to forget what the grief is made of: love. We hurt because something matters. We ache because there is still tenderness in us. But to only see the joy is to bypass the pain that is asking to be witnessed. It’s to turn away from the suffering that also needs our attention, our action, and our care.
Balance is not indifference. It’s the ability to stay connected to what hurts your soul without abandoning what fulfills it. The beauty and tragedy of life.
Do the work. Stay informed. Care about what is happening. Sign the petition. Make the donation. Speak up when you can. Refuse to become numb to the suffering of others. But also spend some time in nature. Listen to the birds. Play with your pets. Enjoy your children. Laugh at something small. Let the sun touch your face. Curl up on your couch and enjoy your tea with a good book.
You’re allowed to enjoy your life while there’s chaos in the world. In fact, you should enjoy your life in spite of the chaos of the world. Because joy is not a betrayal of suffering. Rest is not a betrayal of responsibility. Focusing on the beauty of humanity is not an act of denial of its ugliness. Sometimes it’s the very thing that helps us stay human enough to keep caring.
If you only feed yourself chaos, you’ll eventually lose your capacity to respond to it. You’ll become overwhelmed, then exhausted, then numb. And numbness cannot love the world back into anything better. It doesn’t fix anything.
So yes, let yourself care. Let yourself feel the weight of things. Let your heart remain open to the grief of the world. But don’t forget to live inside the world, too.
The same world that holds tragedy also holds birdsong. The same world that holds loss also holds laughter. The same world that breaks your heart still offers you small moments of peace, joy, and beauty. Let yourself experience them. Not because everything is fine. But because everything is not.
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